Personal

Just Thoughts: I am unattached

Sometimes, I think that I am weird because I am unattached.

Recently, the administration of the medical school I go to decide to reshuffle the section. So, after a year of studying together, my classmates and I will be separated. It means that we have to go through our first day of second year like it was the first day of medical school. We have to go through the getting to know phase once again and make some new friends once again. Because of this, a lot of classmates were upset. A lot of them are posting on social media about the bonds formed during our year together. When the rumors of reshuffling started, I thought I will be devastated too in case the rumors are true. When the announcement was official, I was surprised of myself because I don’t really feel anything.

This made me recall my high school graduation. Before the day of the graduation, I actually expected myself to cry a lot. I loved my friends and I was thinking that I will miss them so much. But then, I didn’t shed a single tear. I had to lie to my friends every time I say “I’m so sad right now” because the truth was I wasn’t. I should have been tearful and sad during the goodbyes but I didn’t feel any of that.

The same goes for my college graduation. Everyone was talking about how emotional they were that day especially when the school hymn was sung. Again, I wasn’t sad about the goodbyes. At that time, I attributed my lack of emotion to my tiredness but now that I think about it I’m not so sure.

I also lost some friends along the way. There were times when I do not even notice that me and my friend are drifting apart until it’s already done. I only realize it when we’ve already become strangers who rarely talk to each other.

Now that I realize it, it actually scares me. I know that people needs someone to hold on to. However, instead of holding on to something, I’m more on letting go. Anyways, I want to change this. I want to feel sentimental. I want to feel the pain of missing something and someone. I want to have someone I can hold on to, someone I want to hold on to. Will that person ever come?

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Liberation

This is¬†¬†something that I wrote for an introduction to literature class. I haven’t had any experience except this one and I don’t think anyone has ever read this yet. This is about something very personal to me because it’s about the dark moments in my life. I believe that there’s shadows in all of us but I guess mine are stronger. Sometimes, I fight them with all my might but sometimes I just get tired and just wait for them to come and then wait for them to leave. For me, they just come and go. I do my best for them not to come back though. The last part was sort of wishful thinking. I have shadows that come and go and I want nothing more than to be from them. I’m still waiting for the fireflies and the strength to slay the shadows and be free of them forever.

 

Sometimes I let the shadows win

Until I fought that glorious day

And slayed the monsters within

 

Sometimes I let the dark creep in

Steal my colors and leave me grey

Sometimes I let the shadows win

 

Sometimes I let hope grow thin

In the meadow of thorns I lay

And played with the monsters within

 

Enveloped by the misery I’ve seen

As dawn seems miles away

Sometimes I let the shadows win

 

But then I woke in angel’s skin

The time has come I finally say

And slayed the monsters within

 

Ahead of me, mountains so green

As fireflies light my way

Never again shall the shadows win

I have slayed the monsters within